I'm a Terrible Person

this one regular customer; seems to be in his fifties, gray hair, glasses, vikings coat, etc – always calls me by my name (fake name rebecca.)

he makes a point to always say “hello rebecca, thanks rebecca, bye rebecca, that’s fine rebecca” etc. I hate that.

anyway, since they cut my hours I had 4 extra hours in the morning and decided to put some makeup on. I really don’t wear anything but eye makeup, but I like it to be funky. So I blended purple, blue, lime green, and orange. it came out really well.

this vikings jacket guy comes to the counter and says, “hey rebecca, got a hot date tonight?”

“what?” I said, no clue what he was talking about.

“you’ve got makeup on, so I figured you had a hot date later.”

“uh…no. I just put make up on.”

“I also thought you did some modeling on the side.”

“I wish! then I wouldn’t be here.” I said, but then realized that could sound rude, so I added, “id be home watching my giant flat screen tv or driving around in my porsche.”

I hate that I can’t wear something different or do my makeup without everyone thinking I have ulterior motives. I don’t have the time to do it everyday, so when I do its like, oh myyyyyy look at her! what’s she up to!

ugh. die.

There is the elderly man who shops at my job a lot and always talks to me. he never actually goes to the deli, but he knows that’s where I work. he usually sees me on my break and will say something like the deli is looking for me id better hurry back. I humor him with “oh gosh, don’t tell them you saw me, I’m trying to escape.”

he seems harmless enough.

but the other day I was sitting on the bench smoking and texting on my break and he came up to me. he did his bit about how they are in there looking for me, and then he asked, “are you talking to your true love?”

“oh yeah,” I replied….sarcastically.

“well don’t tell him I’m talking to you, he might get jealous.”

“no problem” I said…..then he put his hand on my shoulder and said “don’t tell him I’m nibbling on your neck, he might get mad.”

ummmmmmm…..ookaaayyy???

Something I’ve noticed quite a lot of lately is the fact that many people have stopped saying “you’re welcome.”

the phrase is now “you welcome.”

I hear it all the time and I want to smack the person and scream at them and say “It’s YOU’RE welcome!”

you welcome doesn’t even make any fucking sense! it pisses me off when things are turned into slang just by pure laziness.

Also, there is no such thing as “scissor.” There is never ‘one scissor.’ The word is always plural. It’s SCISSORS GODDAMMIT!

So this is why you shouldnt be nice to people:

I wrote a post a while ago about the coke vendor in my store, and how one day as he walked by i said “gosh im so thirsty i could go for a nice cold coca cola!”

He smiled, then came back with a 20oz coke for me. Ever since then, we say hello everyday, or wave or something.

I also say hello and make friends with most people in the store. The Lays vendor, for instance, is always telling me to quit smoking everytime i run out for a break.

The coke vendor told me his name, and sometimes has me make sandwiches for him. If he doesnt tell me he wants one first thing in the morning, i tend to ask, because otherwise i use up all the bread and i feel bad if he has to take one off the shelf, since he doesnt like lettuce etc on it.

Today, he walked by and said goodmorning, stopped to chat. I asked him if he was going to want a sandwich, so that way i could get it out of the way first. He said “….no.”

Since he paused, i asked if he was sure he didnt want anything. Then i said, oh i guess your wife made you lunch today.

He said no, no i just dont want a sandwich today.

I jokingly said i guess my sandwiches werent good enough anymore, etc.

He laughed, we went about our day.

THENNNN, he stopped by again and said “the next time you ask if i want anything, i should say ‘you’. “

This is new. I pretend flirt with a lot of people, but never with him. I didnt know if it was supposed to be a joke, or creepy, or a comeon.

I decided to say something silly to blow it off.
“Well,” i said, ” everything in the store is for sale i guess.”

He laughed and walked away.

When he left for the day just now, he leaned over the counter and placed a crumpled piece of paper there. “Thats for you,” he said.

I thought it was garbage he wanted me to throw away, so i said “ooh for me? How nice.”

But i picked it up when he left and saw his number on it.

Okay…. so am i supposed to call him? Hes older and married. Or i was under the impression he was married anyway. Ive never flirted or acted like i like him. Just friendly chatting in the morning and making his sandwich when he asks.

If i dont ever call him is he going to stop saying hello?

Was it just because he wants to be friends for real, in real life?

I dont plan on calling him, but still….hes married. Isnt that inappropriate for an older married man to be giving his number out to young girls?

Or did he lie the first time i talked to him, when he said he was married?

Anyway. Dont be nice to people unless you want something from them. This is awkward.

I don’t think I’ve ever written about this woman, but my apologies if I have.

so one day this woman was waiting on line, and I was the lucky contestant that got to wait on her.

first, she wanted to taste the chicken salad. she didn’t like it.

then, she wanted to taste the tuna. she said it was a little salty.

third, she tasted the chicken liver. again, no.

She stood there for a while contemplating the salads. After a few minutes of me standing there *patiently* waiting for her to pick something, she decided shed take some tuna salad anyway.

a third of a pound.

but she didn’t really want a third, because it was slightly over that amount and she made me take some out until it was a quarter.

I priced it up and handed it to her.

she had been staring at the salads for a while, so she HAD to have noticed the prices directly in front of each salad.

She walked away from the counter, started to turn the corner, then came back, stating that for that price she could buy a can of tuna and make it herself.

great. thanks for wasting ten minutes of my time.

Another time, she came to the counter as I was walking out with a cardboard box. my black coworker was standing there doing nothing. he went to help her and she said “no, ill wait for her.”

I looked at her blankly and said, “you want ME to help you?”

she did.

so I walked back into the department and before I could even take my gloves off she said, “but don’t use those gloves. I don’t know what you were touching.”

I wasn’t going to, cunt.

She oredered a quarter pound of low salt ham. I had a third of a ham left. I am not going to open a new one when there is one open. its the same fucking thing, we go through so much meat a day that nothing is “old.”

but she insisted she didn’t want “the end.” there was at least four or five pounds left on the ham, and she was only getting a quarter of a fucking pound. I’m DEFINITELY not opening you a new one. this ham was probably opened an hour ago.

I told her this and she said fine.

I sliced her LESS than a quarter pound, because she stopped me. then she walked away.

the next morning we found a package of ham for the same amount I had cut her sitting in the case. obviously it was her that threw it there.

she’s done that a few times more.

I would just like to know why she insists on wasting my time and driving me crazy. its like she has a personal vendetta against me.

sean: yo I renamed my dick for the new year. last year it was “jawbreaker” cause I liked getting it bit. this year it’s “hallelujah” cause I like blessing chicks.

/endidiocy

I know plenty of men who are appalled at the though of a man hitting or physically hurting a woman.

some of these same men emotionally hurt women.

whether intended or not, they do.

either way, it’s still hurt. does that make sense?

I drink an obnoxious amount of iced caramel lattes.

Check previous blogs for mentions of this dunkin donuts guy;

anyway, afew weeks ago when I walked into dd, he immediately said “Hey sexy.”

Inappropriate? yes. Funny? yea that too.

i just ignored it.

this Sunday, he asked yet AGAIN for my phone number. I asked if I gave it to him if he’d bring me iced lattes everyday. he said yes.

is that a ploy to get me to give him my number? if I give it to him would he really give me iced lattes everyday? if I was dating him would I get free coffee?

would it be worth it?

oh the controversy.