Yea i used to post vanity plates i would see in my travels, then i just stopped writing them down. But heres one for old times’ sake.
I was doing something just now in the deli, and i suppose the customer didnt see me standing there, because he shoved his finger right up his fucking nose.
I quickly shouted “can i help you?” And he just casually pulled his finger out and ordered.
Gross. This is right up there with those customers that pull their dentures out when they ask to taste something.
One day i’ll try to fill in the five month gap of horror stories that have happened since ive last posted. But for now, ill tell you about two days ago.
Remember the bouffant lady? That asshole of a woman who would bother me on all of my breaks and ask that i just go back to the deli to help her for a minute, despite being clocked out on lunch…..
Well, i havent seen her since the old job first started closing. But i was transferred to another location and soon forgot all about her. Until that dreaded moment, when i had just clocked out for lunch and was waiting on line to pay for my vitamin water.
I saw her as i neared the front of the store, and i quickly buried myself in the cooler, intently deciding on which bottle of water to buy. From behind me, i hear, “HELLLLO.”
I muttered, still in the cooler, “hi.”
Which, of course, was not good enough for her. She repeated her greeting and blocked my departure.
“hello,” again i said, this time to her. But I’ve changed in these months, and i no longer care if im a cunt to customers.
She asked me if i worked there, if i was still in the deli.
“yup.” Was all i replied.
Then she said, “i’ve missed you.”
Which left me with two options:
1. Lie to her and say ive missed her too
Or the option i chose.
2. Awkwardly look elsewhere, say, “um………..thanks” and mutter goodbye as i hightailed it out of there.
I was hoping she wouldnt be there when i got back from lunch, and luckily she wasnt. Maybe she got the hint that shes a cunt and i never liked her.
Ive been getting comments from sone very nice readers expressing concern and curiosity as to what ever happened to me.
Wel, im here. I still have a job, and im still the disgruntled deli girl. I suppose i keep putting off updating for three reasons:
1. The longer i put it off, the more there is to write, and the task just seems so daunting.
2. I acquired a new cell phone, the tmobile my touch, and i am horrific at using the touch screen keyboard. When once i was a typo nazi, rarely erroring and with fingers gliding across the keyboard at blinding speeds, now it takes me three minutes for one sentence, full of errors.
And finally,
3. With my newfound love of twitter, ive begun to shorten daily occurances into 140 characters and not take the time to really write.
So now you know, im alive, and hopefully learn to touch-type and update. Thanks for all your interest!
A customer I’ve never seen before came up to me with some Pillsbury cinnamon rolls. The kind in the little barrel you just pop open and cook. They had 50% off managers special labels on them, plus everything in the store has a sign for what percentage off it is.
He wanted to know how that worked, if it was 20% off, or 50% off. So I told him it was going to take 20% off at the register, then the 50% was a coupon, so that would come off as well. He thanked me, then said he’d never had them before, and wanted to try them. I told him, “those. Are. Soooo. Good!” And he said I should buy some then, since they were discounted so much. I said I would, but I don’t have any money, which is true. I have twenty dollars in the bank, and I’m gonna need that for bus fare to work all week and probably for a bottle of advil.
The man came back with three packages, already paid for, for me! I’m fat enough, I don’t really need to be eating cinnamon rolls, but I just thought that was so sweet of him. I guess there still are nice people out there, no matter how many people try to prove me otherwise.
I’m sooooo tired of hundreds of people asking me every day the same questions:
- why is the store closing?
- its always so busy, is business that bad?
- are they transferring you all?
- where are you going to work?
- What are you going to do?
- where am I going to get my groceries?
- why don’t they have anything in the flyer?
- these prices aren’t so good why aren’t they less?
- what’s going to open up here afterwards?
So, I’ve decided to have some fun.
When someone asks what store is going to open up in our place, I’ve been telling them, “Blockbuster.” The reactions from customers are priceless. “What?? What a waste of space!”
When they ask why we are closing, I make things up. If another employee is standing nearby, I blame them for something.
When they ask where I’m going to work, I say making movies. Sometimes ill think of a movie plot and describe it as if that’s what’s going to happen. Think Zack and Miri make a porno.
One customer asked, “what are you going to do?” And I couldn’t resist the porn answer. So I said, “oh, I’m going to be an actress.”
“Really?!” He exclaimed. “Do you need a costar?”
“Oh, I don’t think you’d be interested in acting in THESE kind of movies….” And then I winked.
“Art films?” He asked.
“….yea. ‘art’ films.”
Well at least I’m having fun at their expense.
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Ah yes, after the long, agonizing winter and many days of rain, today is beautiful. Which sucks for me, a bus rider. Time to bring your babies out for a bus ride, so I can listen to them scream the entire trip, and nearly fall as I try to climb over four baby carriages barely folded and sticking out so that there is literally no where to place my feet.
Even better, I am currently stuck at a bus stop with a wonderful Spanish mother and her A.L.F.s (annoying little fuckers). The two of them are using water bottles and garbage to throw at each other (near me). They are infuriatingly obnoxious and even threw the fucking bottles in the street, nearly hitting cars.
I can’t understand why you can’t buy the little fuckers an actual toy, even if it came from the dollar store, as your excuse could be money. I also can’t imagine letting a child play with garbage. You don’t know where it has been, what germs or diseases are on it. And then the thing is going to do what all children eventually do- touch their faces/stick their fingers in their mouths. So now their germ covered appendages near their germ absorbing faces, and lots of fun stuff can come from that. Great parenting.
Also, the fact that your spawn nearly caused a car accident doesn’t seem to phase you one bit. Hell, it isn’t your car! So what if someone gets hit by a flying bottle of water, swerves the car into someone else, and causes a tweleve car pile up. Who cares?
I was quickly becoming infuriated with the situation and had to move far away just to attempt to calm down. Interestingly enough, I ended up meeting a man who works at a scrap yard, and we talked for the remainder of the wait and the bus ride. Turns out his girlfriend’s parents are good friends with Weird Al and there’s a picture of her as a baby in Weird Al’s arms. Fascinating.
I hate my job. But I’ve stayed this long because I love my managers and they’ve treated me like their daughter these past three years. Well, that and because I haven’t put enough effort into finding a better job. Clearly, I was sucked into the I-have-a-job-I-need-to-pay-bills-I’m-too-tired-to-look sort of mind frame. Now it’s come back to kick me in the ass.
My store is shutting down, closing, kaput. It was announced on Feb. 15th, and every day since then has been absolute torture. Aside from the immediate panic I felt at knowing I have so many bills and no source of income, each day at work is its own personal hell.
The customers who come to the deli like to talk. All of them do. The regular customers I see every day/week, and the ones I have never seen before all like to chatter. Since the closing announcement, every conversation is the same:
Is the store really closing?
- Yes.
When is the last day?
- April 15th.
Oh that’s TERRRIIIBBLLLEEE. Do you know where you are going? What are you going to do? Are they transferring you? What’s going to happen to you all?
- I have no idea.
You don’t know? They should transfer you. You should work at the other store.
- Yes, some people will be transferred. I’m probably not going to be.
What are you going to do? Are you working anywhere else?
Do that many people really have no tact? The above conversation happens literally about every five minutes at work. No, I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE where I am going to work, what I am going to do to pay my bills. It’s none of your freaking business, however. Because, you see, I understand people are getting transferred. But it’s based on seniority in the company, and as this company has not promoted to or hired any full timers in years, part time employees are on the bottom of that list. And as I have only worked here for two and a half years, it is highly unlikely that I will be transferred to a different location. Even if I was sent somewhere else, would I really want to continue working for a company that can’t tell it’s asshole from it’s mouth? The company is very poorly run, from my standpoint as a measly, unimportant part timer. It isn’t even worth the headache to deal with their bullshit anymore. Why continue to work for a bankrupt company that continuously has you on the edge of your seat, wondering if you are going to lose your job????
Fuck it. I’m just tired of explaining eighty times a day that I will not have a job, and nobody currently knows who is being transferred and to where. It’s none of your business, anyway. You’re a fucking customer. Your job is not on the line. Stop being nosy. Buy your groceries here, or buy them at the different locations. The employees at that store are not your friends, not your family, and not your personal gossip grind. Don’t you think it’s hard enough knowing you’ve just lost your job and having to deal with the stress of the situation without having hundreds of strangers reiterate the fact that you’re unemployed and broke???? How would each of you feel if you had to be reminded by complete strangers that you lost your job? It’s stressful and painful.
I’m just trying to take each day as it comes, be silly and happy for any reason at all. Anything to keep from falling into the mind numbing depression that is waiting for me.
My body is so stressed that I haven’t even gotten my period. I have had the same cold for two weeks now, because my immune system is stressed out. I don’t know how I’m going to pay my bills, don’t know if i can find another job, if I will end up working at Wendy’s, just to buy food. I’ve never lost a job before, always quit and had another. I’ve never been on unemployment, but as I am only technically a part time employee, and the last few weeks I’ve been scheduled about 20 hours, I can’t imagine the government is going to give me more than 100 dollars a week. That’s half of what I have been making. And what’s awful is I bust my ass at work and get rewarded with less than enough to survive with.
Sean came up to me the other day and asked if I could give him a copy of the book I wrote about him. I was confused, then he reminded me that I always used to write down his stupid quotes and he was convinced I was compiling a book. Since I will never see him again, maybe I should just link him to my website. What do you think?
