Your Boyfriend Needs A Leash.

Men cannot be trusted.

That is not to say that women can be, but since I’m a woman, I’m going for the men are pigs argument. They just irritate me so much because it’s women that usually get the bad reputation for relationship issues. Men are just as fucked up in the head, if not more than women are.

 

The other night, two not so bad looking guys spent the better part of the night talking to my friend and I. The one flirting with her made it clear he wanted to be “friends with benefits.” The one I got had a girlfriend. If she was going to let him out in public without a leash, she should have at least taught him how to kiss first.

 

I’m sick of this bullshit. All the men I’ve been meeting, even just as friends, fall into at least one of these categories:

• hi, i have a girlfriend, but i’m going to flirt with you for 2 hours, make out with you, and see what else i can get from you.
• hi, i have an ex girlfriend i’m still not over. Therefore, you’re always going to be compared to her and come in second place.
• hi, i have 2 kids and pay child support
• hi, i tell my friends how much i REALLY like you, but every day all I’m going to text to you personally is “what’s up.”
• hi, i sleep with every woman i can possibly meet in one night. Then, I tell everyone I know and work with about all the women I sleep with. I especially like to tell the writer of this blog about the women I fuck, then I like to flirt with her and tell her i want to “bone her.” She just LOVES it.
• hi, i spent 3 amazing days with a girl i really liked. Then I decided I didn’t want to ever text or call her again. She’ll get the hint eventually.
• hi, i tell EVERYONE EXCEPT THE GIRL HERSELF just how much i like her, and how pretty she is. Im sure she wouldn’t want to hear this herself, it might boost her self esteem and cause her and I to go on a date.
• Hi, I’m embarrassed of the type of women i’m attracted to, so i date the opposite so my friends think more of me.
• hi, all i want from you is a blow job. You’re just not good enough to kiss or give any pleasure to.
• hi, I’m 30 years old and I DONT HAVE A JOB.
• hi, i’m still in love with the girl i lost my virginity to, therefore, i’m going to constantly complain about being alone and ignore any girl that flirts with me or really likes me.
• hi, i have a drinking problem. Take me home to your mother, she’ll just love me.
• hi, i broke up with my girlfriend a year ago, but i still don’t want her to know i’m seeing anyone new.
• hi, i’m OBSESSED with you. No matter how many times you tell me to stop calling, emailing, and texting you, I’m still going to do it, EVERYDAY. One day, after screaming on the phone for me to stop trying to make contact with you, you’ll fall back in love with me. After all, I don’t have a job or a car, but i have a drug problem, a drinking problem, and issues with my family. I’m your true love. You’ll see that one day.
• Hi, I’m going to make you fall in love with me, then be too busy to ever let you know I’m over you.

Anyway, I wish I could really get into some of the stories, but the internet is an evil place where things come back to haunt you. Just know these people really exist.

 

 

P.S. That guy really was an AWFUL kisser.