I'm a Terrible Person

So I have video of sean explaining a dream he had with me in it. Should I post it or just transcribe it?

So picture 5:55am, it’s still very dark outside, barely any cars at all.

Now picture me walking to a bus stop in this quiet darkness.

So this beat up looking car is driving along this usually busy street, slows down right when he gets near me, and is crawling along the street, staring at me. Then, he stops his car like 6 feet from the bus stop, stares, and 2 minutes later drives away.

Didn’t ask for directions or anything. Just slowed down, stopped, and stared.

Hello creepy.

Yesterday. Lady comes to the counter.

Just says: Turkey please.

Okay, well that doesn’t help me much. What the fuck kind of turkey do you want? Regular? Low salt? Honey? Smoked? Peppered? Oven roasted? How much turkey? Two slices? Eight pounds?

Another one a lot of people do is point to the signs on the outside of the counter, above us. The sale signs up above. On the outside. DO YOU THINK I SEE THROUGH WALLS? Fucking SPEAK. Teeeellll me what you want. Speak it, don’t fucking point to a sign I can’t see and say hallf of that one.

Dumbasses.

Smoking pot on your own time? Hey that’s okay by me. It’s your life, whatever.

Smoking pot on your lunch break and coming back to work with me? Not okay. Go fuck yourself.

Sean: I was at the movies yesterday and I was thinking of you. *dramatic pause* This girl got hit by a truck.

So im helping a customer, and three black ladies come to the counter and start asking me questions while im still busy with someone else.

First, I didn’t hear them because I was talking to the customer.

Then, I heard, but didn’t understand, because this is exactly what one of them said:

“Did yall have breathfast this morning?”

It took me a while to figure out she was saying “breakfast.”

So I asked, “Us, or the store?”
I mean, did she want to know if the store was making breakfast for customers or if the people in the deli, personally, had eaten?

“The store. I smell bacon.”

Whenever I see a woman WAY fatter than me, and dressed in something id never dare to wear, I feel so hideous. I know im not quite so big, but they look so terrible it just makes me wonder if anyone is thinking the same thing about me.

Like this woman just walked by in a tiny black dress, and all you see is rolls of fat popping out of the sides, and her dress is uneven because her ass is literally the size of a small child.

Why would you leave your house like that? Just wear some nice black pants and at least a short sleeve shirt so no one sees slabs of meat coming out of your bra.

If I could draw, id start making cartoons about all the regular customers. They’d even have their own bios.

Oh how about if I make trading cards?

Sean: You should just admit, we’re made for each other.

Yea. Okay.

STOP ORDERING YOUR DELI MEAT IN OUNCES.

Im not giving you 8oz cans or 16oz drinks.

Fuck you. Stop ordering 6 ounces of ham.

Go fuck yourself.