Sean: I was at the movies yesterday and I was thinking of you. *dramatic pause* This girl got hit by a truck.
Sean: You should just admit, we’re made for each other.
Sean: yo, im a vampire. That’s my new phase.
I was trying to entertain myself, and the seasame st song popped in my head. So I started singing, “can you tell me how to get, how to get to seasame streeet?”
And sean goes, “oh I know you’re not singing that song. Ill take you to Sexame Street maybe.”
Sean: Would you ever get married on halloween?
Me: I never want to get married.
Sean: but like if some rich and handsome man was all in love with you, you wouldn’t do it?
Sean: For real I wanna bang a goth chick. Like, I just wanna see the faces shell make in bed. With dyed hair and all those freaky piercings… And who knows, maybe ill fall in love and ill be her man and buy her goth diamond rings…
Out of respect for a certain coworker, I never write about him. He drives me insane, but deep down I think he’s a nice guy, so I won’t go on about him like I do with sean.
We’ll call him “Xx”
So. Xx is always complaining to me about how he is single, wants a girl, etc. In order to keep my sanity I attempt to relate and converse.
Xx asks me all the time about my exboyfriend and how long I’ve been single, then says its been so many years for him.
He’s always asking what’s wrong, why can’t he find someone. He wants reassurance that he’s a good looking guy. He wants me to tell him his ex is a whore and white trash.
So I do. Everyday. Because believe me, he says the same thing everyday.
Today he was talking about his ex and asked how long for me. So I told him its been a year since I broke up with my ex, and he assured me im a pretty girl and ill find someone.
He and sean are always telling me I “have a pretty face” (which is what every fat girl is told). They are always saying ill meet someone, etc.
I meet plenty of guys. I enjoy the time I spend with them. They just don’t end up my boyfriend.
I pretended to have a conversation with them, which is when I just repeat what they say and twist it around.
Me: sean, what’s wrong with Xx and I? Why are we single?
Sean: well for you its cause you’re so picky. There be tons of guys that wanna bang you and be your man. Im one of them. Like, I really got to know you and I like you and I wanna be your man.
Me: you just want sex because im the only one telling you no. And besides I want a relationship, not sex.
Sean: when two people sleep together, eventually they get feelings for each other. …. blah blah blah.
Then he said something about hand holding and grabbed my hand to hold it.
Luckily, there’s lots of soap and sinks nearby.
I just think its funny that someone who almost everyday has something nasty and sexual to say to me has the nerve to say he’d date me. Its like, no.
Also, the repetitiveness of this conversation is driving me insane. Xx and sean basically have 6 things to say. They may rephrase them occassionally, but everyday its all they say.
1. “why am I alone”
2. When is the cigarette lady coming I need my cigarettes
3. I have to take a leak.
4. What’s xx going to have for dinner tonight.
5. (To me) listing every ugly and mentally challenged man in the store and asking if i d date them, then laughing and saying im a funny girl when I say “fuck no”
6. Complaining about his hours and how much work he has to do and no one appreciates it etccccc. And how he has to clean the oven and the racks.
How could I forget…
7. On thursdays ” one more day till payday. One more day till payday.”
On fridays “did you get your paycheck? Can I go get my paycheck?”
1. Yo im about to go have a smoke
2. Come on we can go bang in the back, no one goes back there.
3. Peters never coming back. (Makes up raps about pete feeding his baby by deaing drugs, part of which goes “eatin sleepin readin shittin. Going fun places every weekend, how he gonna feed that kid? Sellin drugs to feed that baby)
4. Yo E what we gonna do tonight? (Usually involves drugs and sluts)
5. Telling me im pretty and “for real you should let me get it in.”
6.the morning shift doesn’t do any work. Only we do work. They take breaks all the time and its so easy working in the morning. We get smoked at night. (Etc etc. Complain complain.)
Im going insane. I hear the same thing every day. I start repeating the list to other people when im feeling stressed, like ill explode.
Its like become like turretts. Ill say to my manager in Xx’s voice, “xx’s has to take a leak. I need a cigarette. I hope the cigrette lady comes I need my cigarettes do you think ill ever find a nice girl? Arleene snubbed me. She snubbed me. 4 years xx hasn’t had a date. 4 years. Would you go out with him? Who would you rather go out with? Him or him? Xx has to take a leak. Gotta clean the oven and the racks.”
She always cuts me off. I can’t imagine why.
Sean: so if you were a vampire, would you turn any of your friends into vampires?
He sees me writing what he’s saying down (so I can remember to post it.)
Sean: nah, these are ‘goth’ questions. These are not for your entertainment.
Sean: yo, do you think if I started treating you better we could start going out, like for real? Working with you all this time, i m really starting to like you. I mean, you’re beautiful but you already know that. Plus we have so much in common, like True
Blood and Harry Potter, vampires and werewolves.
Seriously, when have I ever said “im into werewolves” ???
The boys I work with often stand around, talking, making a mess, doing nothing.
I don’t mean to be bossy but I can’t help it, when I end up having to do more work because they are retarded. They make more money, so I fucking tell them to do things when things need to be done.
So today sean was just annoying me when I was working so I kept telling him to do things.
“I love your voice. It’s so sweet.”
Sean: They need to hire a girl that’s gonna be feelin’ me. The one that be like “yo im so horny, I wish I could do it now.” And ill be like “Yeaaa we can. Lets go in the back right now.” that’s the type of girl I need in this department.