Really, someone wants to fuck YOU??? You must be joking.

Did you ever see someone in a store buying condoms and think to yourself, “Really? YOU’RE getting laid, and I’M not????”

 

Also, what is this embedded human need to buy buffer items when purchasing things like condoms, tampons, lube, laxatives, etc?

All those things pertain to basic human needs. Everyone uses them. Why are people so embarrassed to buy them?

Today I saw this not really attractive guy in Walgreens buying a big pack of Ultra Sensitive condoms, and a pack of regular ones. He was also buying a two pack of small lightbulbs, and a box of Oreo cookies.

I thought to myself firstly, “REALLLY???? Someone wants to fuck YOU?”

Then I thought, “Hey how come I’m not getting laid?”

And then I ended with, “There’s no way he really wanted those Oreos. Must be a buffer item.”

 

 

 

I used to work in a beauty supply store, which I should really start writing about. But in any case, when we got a new manager there, she decided to start this “bag check” everyday. Everyone’s purses and plastic bags had to be checked to make sure we weren’t stealing anything. And if we carried makeup from our job, we had to keep a receipt with it. We even had to check her own bag.

So, since I’m an asshole, whenever I worked early and knew she’d be checking my bag when I left, I’d use my lunch break to run to Rite Aid and buy Magnum condoms, or vibrating condoms, and and sometimes pads or lube. Just to make her uncomfortable.  She’d make these faces when she saw them, and once was like, “hey…. everybody’s got needs…” It was mainly awkward, which I LIVE FOR.