I'm a Terrible Person

There’s a group of Mexican people who come to use the bottle return machines literally every day. Among them is the midget i’ve posted about before. Well, apparently he got kicked out of the store. He’ll probably come back anyway, since he’s been coming everyday for at least 20 years.

A coworker was listing some things that this midget has done.

1. walking past a tall woman, and reaching his hand up and GRABBING her cooch.

2. walking up to a cashier, making the “money” hand gesture, and licking his lips and pointing to her.

3. a week later returning to same cashier, same gimick.

4. pissing outside against the store wall.

Which do you think he was banned for?

After work today my friend and i were stuck in traffic near a small shopping center. I was just watching the other cars, and i see this guy parked on the side of the street, with his seat ALL the way back. Nothing wrong with that, a guy relaxing while waiting for someone, right? Well okay, but right before i glanced away, i see him stick his finger up his nose. I was like “Hey look, eww he’s picking his nose!”

But as i said that, he started digging deeper. And i mean, he was DIGGING in his nose. So the two of us, stuck in traffic, were just mesmerized by this random dude mining in his nose. THEN, he pulls a finger out and examines it. I was like EWW WHAT IS HE GONNA DO, EAT IT?

then he went back to digging all up in there. bleh.

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So sean broke off a piece of this plastic bench outside work. He tried to use it like a skate board, and it worked for a minute, then the second time he jumped on it he fell right off.

I laughed.

So being a fat person, I don’t really mock those fatter than me.

However, this guy came to the deli the other day, about four times larger than me. And im pretty large. So my coworker told him we had the lowsalt ham on sale, and it was two dollars cheaper than all the other ham.

The large man actually said: No, no, no. I don’t want the low salt ham. I want the fully- sodiumed, fatty one.

…..

A guy in a wheelchair comes to the deli, then gets out of the wheelchair, leans on a cane and says,

“I want low salt ham and low salt turkey. But not more than a pound.”

Me: wait, you want about a pound of each?

him: no, gimme a little less than half of each.

Um.. Ok. Yea. That’s a good way of explaining that. …

Me: (rolling my eyes at sean)
Sean: Damn, you got some big ass eyes. And they’re beautiful, they’re like japanimation eyes.

Is it just me, or have you noticed this as well:

More and more websites are very elaborately designed, filled from top to bottom with links, moving pictures, ads, ADS, ADS, videos, advertising of the things the sites has…..  and yet, no actual content? Links either take you to more links, or a paragraph of actual useful content, if that.

It irritates me, because it’s wasting my fucking time. Websites should be concise and simple. The point is to share information, not keep you there for 3 hours trying to find one measely shred of information.

I’m never home anymore, so i use my sidekick for everything. I check my daily websites, text, email, and update blogs through my phone.

I’m also busy so when I have an idea for a blog, rant, or poem, I write it down in my notepad files on the sidekick.

Yea, well it decided not to go on the internet anymore.

It’s also decided it’s going to randomly delete all of my contacts, saved emails, texts, and notes. That’s right. ALL of it.

I had about 13 notes saved in my fucking phone that were half finished and needed to be posted. One of them being a three week long list of vanity plates that not only I collected, but other people were sending me. That was about 60 vanity plates long. Not that it’s important, it’s just… well it took a while to amass that much, and now it’s missing.

The worst part is that i remember being able to access photos and notes through the internet, through tmobile. However, they’ve updated their website, so now it’s got SIX FUCKING BILLION LINKS ON IT THAT ARE COMPLETELY USELESS TO ME. It’s so fucking frustrating, because I KNOW i used to be able to access them, and either they took that away, or I can no longer find it. I did find one link that said connect to email, photos, etc but when i click on it, it TAKES ME NOWHERE. Sometimes it refreshes the page, and sometimes it says “internet explorer cannot display.”

I have never been so angry.

I feel my blood boiling, my body tensing. I very much want to be violent right now.

Last week, I was sharpening the slicers before the deli opened early in the morning. The Coke vendor was walking by, and since we made eye contact, we both did the “Good morning” nod. I’d never even looked at the man before that morning.

I occassionally like to be annoying. Not in a spiteful or bitchy way, but just so everyone can laugh at something stupid. Lightheartedness.

So anyway, as he was walking by, I said to my manager, very loudly:

“Gosh, I could really go for a NICE, COLD, REFRESHING Coca cola right about now. What’s THAT about? Just this sudden urge.. gosh I’m thirsty.”

He turned around and smiled, and even laughed a little. My manager said “Ive never seen that man smile before!”

Five minutes later, the coke guy comes back and hands me a plastic bag, with a 20oz coke and the receipt in it. I was so taken off guard. That was so sweet of him!

About an hour later, Matt, who brings my bread every morning, showed up. Lately I’ve been tease-flirting with him, since i think he’s recently become single. So somehow I started getting him to give me hugs occassionally. My manager was standing nearby so just to entertain her, as Matt left I asked him where my goodmorning hug was.

He came back into the deli and gave me a great big hug.

So now my manager thinks I’ve got everyone by the balls. I’d like to think so too, I guess.

Oh and the other day Matt brought the bread and was leaving without giving me a hug, so I turned my back on him and said “This affair is OVER, Matt.” He put his arms around me from the back and squeezed me so tight of course i had to forgive him.
The things I do to entertain myself…..