I'm a Terrible Person

I drink an obnoxious amount of iced caramel lattes.

Check previous blogs for mentions of this dunkin donuts guy;

anyway, afew weeks ago when I walked into dd, he immediately said “Hey sexy.”

Inappropriate? yes. Funny? yea that too.

i just ignored it.

this Sunday, he asked yet AGAIN for my phone number. I asked if I gave it to him if he’d bring me iced lattes everyday. he said yes.

is that a ploy to get me to give him my number? if I give it to him would he really give me iced lattes everyday? if I was dating him would I get free coffee?

would it be worth it?

oh the controversy.

So I’ve never gotten around to writing the biggest thing that “batty” have done to piss me off.

(read old blogs if you don’t know who they are.)

1. One day, when they were fairly new customers still, I was walking past the wife on my way to my break. Since their first major complaint to the store, I had been trying to be super nice to them.

the husband, brian, liked to taste everything, to make sure it was thin enough and whatever.

At one point, he stopped smoking so he started chewing gum to combat the cravings. Just to be a bitch, one day I complained, saying he stopped taking samples, was always chewing gum.

He explained why and promised next time he wouldn’t have anything in his mouth when he came to the deli.

Anyway, keeping these things in mind, as I walked past the wife and said hi, she commented on how she told brian not to chew any gum on the way here, “BECAUSE HE WAS GOING TO SEE HIS BIMBETTE.”

I was just like “…what?”

and she quickly corrected herself and said she meant it in the nicest way, because her husband enjoyed coming to the deli and seeing me so much.

2. A few months ago, I had to work. two half days and had no day off. I was getting ready to leave soon and a plumber came to fix the back sink.

he was GORGEOUS.

I was trying to stay in the back and flirt, but the douche bag working with me called me up front to help because he knows I hate Batty.

When I went up front, I was blushing a little, and the husband, brian, commented about it. I explained there was a hot plumber in the back.

he said, and I QUOTE:

“I don’t want to be disgusting, but do you want me to get a cucumber from produce for you?”

um… excuse me?

I just gave him a look. who the fuck says that? to someone you don’t know? you’re a fucking customer! nasty.

ugh.

I talk to everyone at work. I like to be nice, and also I get bored being there for 8 hours a day.

So one of the cart guys is an old retired man who despises the fact that he has to be working there. I usually talk to him, and he always jokingly asks when I’m going to marry him.

he also asks my manager to marry him.

Big surprise, he’s an alcoholic. I’m just assuming this, because he sometimes slurs his words and I’ve seen him sneak a drink or too.

So were going to assume he was drunk on this day:

I went outside for a quick cigarette and didn’t bother bringing a hoodie. As I walked past him, he had the balls to tell me I should be wearing a coat, “to cover your beautiful breasts.”

Not lying. told me to cover my breasts.

its not like I was even wearing something revealing. just a regular tshirt.

ick.

I was walking back to my dept after a bathroom break and I hear some random black guy say to me “Hey beautiful.”

That was really random and I had my work hat on, so I asked him if he needed help with anything.
He said no, and proceeded to look me up and down and smile.

Shit like that makes me want to be violent.

The other day I was waiting outside of my job for someone to pick me up. There was a used scratchoff lotto ticket on the ground.

As I waited, maybe a half an hour, I watched three people pick it up, check it to make sure it wasn’t a winner, then throw it back on the ground for someone else to find.

Are we really that desparate, that we all have some shred of hope in us that luck will fall in our laps like that?

So a couple weeks ago,on the day that the knife man came and brought new, very sharp knives, Sean cut himself.

how?

well, he DROPPED A KNIFE and sneezed at the same time he WENT TO CATCH IT. Needless to say he bled a lot and wouldn’t leave work, then went to the hospital after work and got five stitches.

way to go

the mohawk guy I like not only grew his mohawk out but now I saw him today with a skull cap on and a scruffy beard.

ugh he looks like a hobo now.

now I’ve got to find a new crush

As much as I complain about customers I hate, some I don’t mind. I’ll joke around with them and not mind when they come to the counter.

One customer had been coming for a long time and will usually order the same thing, so I remember him. He started teasing me about my hair a long time ago, because I dye it a different color all the time. At first, it annoyed me. but then I started telling him he’d look good with green hair, orange hair,etc. he promised me he’d dye it.

Soon came October, and every time he’d come to the deli Id tell him I was disappointed that he hadn’t dyed his hair yet. He said for Halloween.

He still didn’t do it. Mind you, he’s got to be in his 40′s, but still, its fun to tease these people back. I hate when people comment on my hair!

Then he said he’d dye his hair before Christmas.

So last week he came to the deli and I told him he didn’t have much time left.

“I know, I know,” he said. “It’s not christmas yet. there’s still some time.”

He left and came back about twenty minutes later. I was helping a customer find something and Joe (I know his name from when a friend of his came to the deli talking on her phone and told me ‘joe says hi’) shoved a bag in my hand and said “This is for you.”

Then he took the hat he always wears off and he had sprayed red and green stripes in his hair! I was literally dying of laughter.

I actually annoyed him into doing it.

In the bag was the two spray colors he used, so I sprayed half my hair red and the other half green on my day off. I went out with Mindsay Mohan that day and I had so many comments on it.

As I was crossing the street in the ghetto an old white man in a suit rolled down his window and yelled that he liked my “christmas colors.”

Then two young girls were next to say they loved it.

Then, I was walking into an apt building and a man on the top floor yelled down something about hair. I ignored him and he screamed “excuse me” until I looked up at the 7th floor. “I really like your hair,” he said.

So if so many people like my colored hair, why is it a problem with jobs? bleh to that!