Terribly bitter, and bursting with potential.
Today I was on break and saw a customer I hadn’t seen for some time. She used to come in and get her daughter’s lunch meat, so since school let out I hadn’t seen her.
She came to talk to me, because I’m always so nice to her, and eventually got to asking me what I’m interested in, because I seem to have so much personality and come across as a creative individual. She thought I must be an artist or musician.
When I told her I wanted to be a writer, she gave me some encouraging words and told me she feels I have a book in me. Even if its not soon, she just knows ill end up successful.
That was such a nice thing for her to say to me, especially after the shitty day I had had.
Its also a little depressing, because throughout my whole life different people have basically told me they see potential in me, but it seems like there’s no way to get anywhere. Most of my friends are talented in their own ways, but we get stuck in shitty jobs just trying to make it through a day. There’s no time for hopes and dreams. There’s not time to fine tune talent and learn how to use it.
We all come from lower middle class white families and we get punished for it. We’ve grown up next to lazy, loud, piece of shit people who end up getting everything for nothing. We try to apply for food stamps or medicaid or anything at all to save us from homelessness and debt and we get told we have some education so we don’t need help.
We get told the minimum wage jobs we cling to give us too much for us to possibly need help. We live next to people who have six children from different fathers, sit outside all day on their expensive phones, and use their government checks to buy fur coats and crab legs. How could we not become bitter seeing someone doing nothing and receiving more than we have? We exhaust ourselves trying to do good jobs at work and end up in debt, hearing the neighbors complain the government just doesn’t give them quite enough.
How will we ever have time to use our potential when all of our energy and time is used working hard to just stay alive?
C’est la vie
I think she’s right. The opinion of a random internet person probably doesn’t count for a whole lot, but if I were a publisher, I would try and sell what you’ve written in this blog. I think it’s hilarious (not necessarily this post), thoughtful, silly, serious, and I’m out of compliments for now. If that doesn’t work, write a dark comedy about a group of assassins with ironic religious code names. Aaand go!
If you ever write a book, i’d buy it at list price