If you can’t see it clearly, its a random porn dvd called, “Super Buffed Cunts.”
It was by a bus stop and I found it funny.
I hate when cross eyed people come to the deli. I never know where to look.
So I’ve never gotten around to writing the biggest thing that “batty” have done to piss me off.
(read old blogs if you don’t know who they are.)
1. One day, when they were fairly new customers still, I was walking past the wife on my way to my break. Since their first major complaint to the store, I had been trying to be super nice to them.
the husband, brian, liked to taste everything, to make sure it was thin enough and whatever.
At one point, he stopped smoking so he started chewing gum to combat the cravings. Just to be a bitch, one day I complained, saying he stopped taking samples, was always chewing gum.
He explained why and promised next time he wouldn’t have anything in his mouth when he came to the deli.
Anyway, keeping these things in mind, as I walked past the wife and said hi, she commented on how she told brian not to chew any gum on the way here, “BECAUSE HE WAS GOING TO SEE HIS BIMBETTE.”
I was just like “…what?”
and she quickly corrected herself and said she meant it in the nicest way, because her husband enjoyed coming to the deli and seeing me so much.
2. A few months ago, I had to work. two half days and had no day off. I was getting ready to leave soon and a plumber came to fix the back sink.
he was GORGEOUS.
I was trying to stay in the back and flirt, but the douche bag working with me called me up front to help because he knows I hate Batty.
When I went up front, I was blushing a little, and the husband, brian, commented about it. I explained there was a hot plumber in the back.
he said, and I QUOTE:
“I don’t want to be disgusting, but do you want me to get a cucumber from produce for you?”
um… excuse me?
I just gave him a look. who the fuck says that? to someone you don’t know? you’re a fucking customer! nasty.
ugh.
I talk to everyone at work. I like to be nice, and also I get bored being there for 8 hours a day.
So one of the cart guys is an old retired man who despises the fact that he has to be working there. I usually talk to him, and he always jokingly asks when I’m going to marry him.
he also asks my manager to marry him.
Big surprise, he’s an alcoholic. I’m just assuming this, because he sometimes slurs his words and I’ve seen him sneak a drink or too.
So were going to assume he was drunk on this day:
I went outside for a quick cigarette and didn’t bother bringing a hoodie. As I walked past him, he had the balls to tell me I should be wearing a coat, “to cover your beautiful breasts.”
Not lying. told me to cover my breasts.
its not like I was even wearing something revealing. just a regular tshirt.
ick.
I was walking back to my dept after a bathroom break and I hear some random black guy say to me “Hey beautiful.”
That was really random and I had my work hat on, so I asked him if he needed help with anything.
He said no, and proceeded to look me up and down and smile.
Shit like that makes me want to be violent.
these interactions never happen with cute guys. only really freaky looking, creepy men.
*Just now on the bus I’m sitting in the back with headphones on and this random creepy guy gets on the bus. I glanced up from my phone to see where we were and he made eye contact, eyes wide, and just STARED. I didn’t even give him a dirty look, I just ignored it and went back to my phone. then, he started saying something to me. I pulled a headphone off and said “what?”
creep: Hi.
me: HI.
creep: jesus loves you. I just wanted you to know that.
me: ….. thanks.
I continued playing with my phone and he leans in from where he was standing and asked me how work was.
me: *not looking up* fine.
creep: well I hope you find a good man or whoever and everything works out for you.
me: ………
then for the rest of the ride he would randomly stare at me. I know he didn’t exactly say anthing sinister, but having a random stranger – that looked like a crackhead *literally* – tell you jesus loves you and hopefully you’ll find a good man can seem a little creepy. odd. obscure. sinister.
What face is that, you ask?
I have the face that just makes EVERYONE wanna fuck with me.
Today’s example.
I’m walking to work and intending on stopping at dunkin donuts to get my daily latte. I flick my cigarette in the street and notice the car closest to the sidewalk has a driver that keeps leaning over and looking at me, as if he’s trying to get my attention.
I ignore and keep walking.
The car speeds up and turns into a parking lot directly in my path. He parks, rolls down the window and starts yelling and gesticulating.
Now, being the IDIOT i can sometimes be, I’m confused for a moment, thinking maybe i dropped something, maybe i know him, maybe this maybe that. So I stopped to figure out what the loud noises were all about. I guess it’s just me but all that commotion seemed a lot just for someone to be fucking around. I couldn’t hear him though, so he gestured for me to come closer. (at this point i noted id never seen him before, and he was just a random mexican guy)
me: No. I said. What’s the matter?
random guy in car: where are you going? do you need a ride? i’ll drive you
me: what? no.
random guy: where are you going?
me: to fucking dunkin donuts it’s right there.
random guy: you work there?
me: no i want some fucking coffee i work somewhere else.
random guy: oh okay. I’ll wait for you.
me: yea, okay THANKS.
Then i flipped him off as i crossed the street. So now i get into dunkin donuts all disgruntled, and end up getting charged for smaller coffees than i actually got. so im thinking to myself the morning was evening out, right?
Well i cross the street again and continue walking to work with my half price coffees.
I hear massive honking.
The guy really did wait for me, and was now driving by waving and honking.
REALLY? you don’t have anything better to do with your time?
And of course, the last time there was that whole car pulling over and trying to talk to me thing, I ignored the car and kept walking. That time it really was someone i knew trying to give me a ride.
After work today my friend and i were stuck in traffic near a small shopping center. I was just watching the other cars, and i see this guy parked on the side of the street, with his seat ALL the way back. Nothing wrong with that, a guy relaxing while waiting for someone, right? Well okay, but right before i glanced away, i see him stick his finger up his nose. I was like “Hey look, eww he’s picking his nose!”
But as i said that, he started digging deeper. And i mean, he was DIGGING in his nose. So the two of us, stuck in traffic, were just mesmerized by this random dude mining in his nose. THEN, he pulls a finger out and examines it. I was like EWW WHAT IS HE GONNA DO, EAT IT?
then he went back to digging all up in there. bleh.
Sean: yo, do you think if I started treating you better we could start going out, like for real? Working with you all this time, i m really starting to like you. I mean, you’re beautiful but you already know that. Plus we have so much in common, like True
Blood and Harry Potter, vampires and werewolves.
Seriously, when have I ever said “im into werewolves” ???
