That was said to me one day after I told him to shut up when he kept going on about how he slept with a customer.
…I keep all these treasures in piles of scrap paper. Here’s one from last month. I was making something, maybe wrapping for the cold cut case, and Sean came up behind me.
Gag.
Yet another day he decided to annoy me.
Sean: I’m talking to you cause you’re so beautiful and attractive. I put my heart out there and you step on it.
this one regular customer; seems to be in his fifties, gray hair, glasses, vikings coat, etc – always calls me by my name (fake name rebecca.)
he makes a point to always say “hello rebecca, thanks rebecca, bye rebecca, that’s fine rebecca” etc. I hate that.
anyway, since they cut my hours I had 4 extra hours in the morning and decided to put some makeup on. I really don’t wear anything but eye makeup, but I like it to be funky. So I blended purple, blue, lime green, and orange. it came out really well.
this vikings jacket guy comes to the counter and says, “hey rebecca, got a hot date tonight?”
“what?” I said, no clue what he was talking about.
“you’ve got makeup on, so I figured you had a hot date later.”
“uh…no. I just put make up on.”
“I also thought you did some modeling on the side.”
“I wish! then I wouldn’t be here.” I said, but then realized that could sound rude, so I added, “id be home watching my giant flat screen tv or driving around in my porsche.”
I hate that I can’t wear something different or do my makeup without everyone thinking I have ulterior motives. I don’t have the time to do it everyday, so when I do its like, oh myyyyyy look at her! what’s she up to!
ugh. die.
So I’ve never gotten around to writing the biggest thing that “batty” have done to piss me off.
(read old blogs if you don’t know who they are.)
1. One day, when they were fairly new customers still, I was walking past the wife on my way to my break. Since their first major complaint to the store, I had been trying to be super nice to them.
the husband, brian, liked to taste everything, to make sure it was thin enough and whatever.
At one point, he stopped smoking so he started chewing gum to combat the cravings. Just to be a bitch, one day I complained, saying he stopped taking samples, was always chewing gum.
He explained why and promised next time he wouldn’t have anything in his mouth when he came to the deli.
Anyway, keeping these things in mind, as I walked past the wife and said hi, she commented on how she told brian not to chew any gum on the way here, “BECAUSE HE WAS GOING TO SEE HIS BIMBETTE.”
I was just like “…what?”
and she quickly corrected herself and said she meant it in the nicest way, because her husband enjoyed coming to the deli and seeing me so much.
2. A few months ago, I had to work. two half days and had no day off. I was getting ready to leave soon and a plumber came to fix the back sink.
he was GORGEOUS.
I was trying to stay in the back and flirt, but the douche bag working with me called me up front to help because he knows I hate Batty.
When I went up front, I was blushing a little, and the husband, brian, commented about it. I explained there was a hot plumber in the back.
he said, and I QUOTE:
“I don’t want to be disgusting, but do you want me to get a cucumber from produce for you?”
um… excuse me?
I just gave him a look. who the fuck says that? to someone you don’t know? you’re a fucking customer! nasty.
ugh.
I talk to everyone at work. I like to be nice, and also I get bored being there for 8 hours a day.
So one of the cart guys is an old retired man who despises the fact that he has to be working there. I usually talk to him, and he always jokingly asks when I’m going to marry him.
he also asks my manager to marry him.
Big surprise, he’s an alcoholic. I’m just assuming this, because he sometimes slurs his words and I’ve seen him sneak a drink or too.
So were going to assume he was drunk on this day:
I went outside for a quick cigarette and didn’t bother bringing a hoodie. As I walked past him, he had the balls to tell me I should be wearing a coat, “to cover your beautiful breasts.”
Not lying. told me to cover my breasts.
its not like I was even wearing something revealing. just a regular tshirt.
ick.
these interactions never happen with cute guys. only really freaky looking, creepy men.
*Just now on the bus I’m sitting in the back with headphones on and this random creepy guy gets on the bus. I glanced up from my phone to see where we were and he made eye contact, eyes wide, and just STARED. I didn’t even give him a dirty look, I just ignored it and went back to my phone. then, he started saying something to me. I pulled a headphone off and said “what?”
creep: Hi.
me: HI.
creep: jesus loves you. I just wanted you to know that.
me: ….. thanks.
I continued playing with my phone and he leans in from where he was standing and asked me how work was.
me: *not looking up* fine.
creep: well I hope you find a good man or whoever and everything works out for you.
me: ………
then for the rest of the ride he would randomly stare at me. I know he didn’t exactly say anthing sinister, but having a random stranger – that looked like a crackhead *literally* – tell you jesus loves you and hopefully you’ll find a good man can seem a little creepy. odd. obscure. sinister.
I hadn’t seen the mohawk man in quite some time. I saw him friday, but he was just leaving and i caught a glimpse and started turning into a girl.
But he was in the store yesterday. Of course i have the worst timing. I had to use the ladies room, and on the way back i stopped to pretend-flirt with the meat department. It entertains me, makes the day go by.
As i turn my head from the meat dept, I see him. My future husband.
He’s definitely growing his hair out. It’s no longer a mohawk but he’s still gorgeous. I got back to the deli and EVERYONE started teasing me, telling me i just missed my husband, and what bad timing i had.
I can’t even talk to him now, cause he doesnt really come to the deli and if he does, i miss him! I wanna go out with him so bad. He’s absolutely beautiful. ugh.
And then when there’s another hot guy at the deli and i actually get the balls to talk to him, guess what? HE’S ONLY 18.
fml.
I’m really not a man-hating dyke. But men really annoy the shit out of me quite often. Here’s some things that really aggrivate me:
This is something I’ve noticed over the past year. Men tend to turn their heads quite fast while driving, in any direction. Particularly, if i’m standing at a bus stop or waiting for a ride, I’ll notice about 15 male drivers quickly turn their heads and stare as they drive by. Female drivers might occassionally glance, but not one of them TURNS THEIR HEAD AND STARES while they’re driving. They just don’t do that.
Also, the passengers in cars do it too. Men will usually stare at me or another woman at a bus stop until we’re no longer in sight. Teenagers in cars will sometimes glance and make a face, but they just don’t STARE. I think there should be a shock collar invented for men so that they can’t stare down their prey.
I am in no way complaining, saying that I’m the only one this happens to. It’s a general observation about men. The fact that they are mostly black seems unimportant, cause they are just acting like men.
For instance, over the summer i was sitting at a bus stop going home from work. A large black man in the passenger seat of a car started shouting at me the whole time they were stopped at a red light. “I need a nice, thick girl like you to satisfy me” and other retarded things he yelled. He asked for my phone number, started getting angry that i was ignoring him, and just was a complete dick.
Once, walking home from school, an older black man was across the street and started yelling out “hey big girl, come over here and shake your big titties for me.” I ignored him and he kept shouting till i was down the street.
In 2006, on my way home from work a man sat near me at the back of the bus. I had headphones on, and he kept tapping me trying to get my attention. There was no where else on the crowded bus for me to move, so i ignored him as long as i could, then gave in trying to deter him. He asked what music i was listening to, where i worked, suggested i suck his dick with ice in my mouth, told me i’d look good naked in his shower with steam comingn off of me, etc. I started telling him i was a lesbian, because he wouldnt leave me alone. He then told me a guy must have broken my heart, all lesbians really are just hurt, etc. He kept saying nasty things. So then i told him I had aids. He told me to stick out my tongue so he could tell if i was sick. At that point a black lady near me started laughing hysterically and telling the guy he was an idiot and if someone said they had aids she’d sure leave them alone. She then argued with him about health and shit until i got off.
And when guys say shit to women it’s not always perverted. Sometimes it’s mean, like the one time a guy called me fat as he drove by. Okay so that was once. Usually it’s always perverted.
How many times have you seen a woman roll down their window and yell to a guy for them to suck on their clit or something? And if you ever have seen a woman do something like the things these guys do, i want to meet her.
it’s for shit like that that i now take a sick enjoyment in teasing men. I also love when mindsay mohan and i are driving around and we just honk at guys for the hell of it. It’s okay for guys to do it, so we do it too now.
I actually think i should write a book about all the weird shit that men have done… Like when i was in high school and waiting at the train station for the bus. This random guy came up to me and started talking to me, and telling me i was a good listener, and i reminded him of his baby’s mama, who was fourteen, and how he just got out of jail but it wasn’t his fault he was trespassing , etc.
Or that cab driver who when i was 15 wouldnt let me out of the cab and kissed my hand and told me he wanted me to work in his new mexican resturaunt.
Or the creepy “i love you” guy from my earlier blogs.
Or the creepy MASTURBATOR from when i worked at the beauty supply store.
Or the guy who kept coming in to the beauty supply store when i was alone and asking me out, and telling me i was pretty, and whenever i tried to ignore him or get him out of the store he would say i only cared about his money, women are all the same.
Or the guys who worked nearby and would bother my coworkers all the time. One guy kept calling the store asking for her and harrassing her.
Or what about the bus masturbator who was stalking my friend?
Or the guy who was in the movie theater with mindsay mohan, the “you have nice teeth” guy?
Or what about SEAN? There’s an argument for pieces of shit if ever there was one.
OKay I’m tired of writing this. Obviously i have some pent up anger from all the shit men put women through. It’s really not fair, and I now have a sci-fi novel i’m dying to write…..
I like kissing, but i never used to. I used to think it was just me, that I didnt enjoy it. Then, I kissed a couple of men who actually knew how to kiss. The kind of kissing that makes your lips tingle and your heart melt. The good kind.
So sometimes I just want to make out. I don’t want to go out and have sex with random guys. I just want 10 minutes of amazing kisses. It’s a pretty simple request, in my opinion.
I don’t think it’s too much to ask for.
But guys just don’t see it the same way. Male friends and male idiots I know all seem to agree that they don’t like kissing. It’s only useful if it leads to sex, or at least a blow job.
And not only that, but if you do find a guy who is willing to settle for just a kiss and nothing else, the problem is that they suck at kissing. And how do you TELL them they suck? I mean, maybe it’s just my opinion, and i don’t like their kissing style. But is there a way to convince them to kiss you the way you like to be kissed? What’s the protocol? What’s the secret?
It’s rather depressing, actually. It’s like when you crave something yummy like an ice cream sundae or the world’s best pizza and you keep getting frozen milk and pizza lunchables. There’s no comparison. It’s completely different, and unsatisfying.
The worst is when you meet a guy you never thought you’d like, and he turns out to be the most amazing kisser ever. Then it doesn’t work out, and you know he’s out there, kissing other women with his amazing talent, and you’re stuck with guys that just jam their tongues down your throat from a mile away.
Life is unfair.
I really don’t think it’s too much to ask for, to find a guy who is good at kissing and doesn’t expect anything else.
end rant.
