Just found this in my drafts and don’t think I’ve ever published it. Enjoy.
Sean: You know what you should be for halloween next year? A sundae. Talkin bout with ice cream, sprinkles, hot fudge, whipped cream. Remember that day you bought whipped cream? What did you do with it? Ima do some real nasty shit with whipped cream. You already know.
*I decided to write his quote down, and he got excited*
Sean: But listen when you publish this book and they make it into a movie I wanna be played by nick cannon. And I want seth rogan to play eric. And jim carrey to play deli rob. Yo I listen to asian music now.
Sean came up to me the other day and asked if I could give him a copy of the book I wrote about him. I was confused, then he reminded me that I always used to write down his stupid quotes and he was convinced I was compiling a book. Since I will never see him again, maybe I should just link him to my website. What do you think?
I was cranky one day at work. When Sean came in and tried talking to me I just shrugged, pointed, waved, nodded. He apparently has had a very poor education, as this is what he said.
“What are you, a mine? You’re not talking just hand movements? You’re a mine?”
Sean and his friend spend about twenty minutes arguing over whose facebook pictures were “harder.”
They then proceeded to take pictures of each other at work to send to some girl, and to put up on facebook.
I wish they’d just work harder instead of trying to “look hard.”
I’m pretty sure Sean sits at home sometimes, thinking of stupid things to say, in hopes of me writing it down.
Sean, to his friend/coworker:
“Yo when I be smashing chicks I feel like I’m getting married – I got someone old, someone new, and someone borrowed. You feel me?”
Sean: Yo, do you know which would be better to get vampire stuff at? Hot topic or spencers?
Sean came out and sat next to me on my lunch. He started talking at me.
Sean: so you ready to give this friendship thing another try to see if we could get closer to a relationship?
I gave him a blank stare.
Sean: yo, you finish that book about me yet with all my quotations? I forgot some of what I said, and I mean I waste it on you I could be using it on chicks and shit. Did I tell you I been shooting pornos? You kinda remind me of a housewife today. Oh I gotta be getting on my journey.
Then he walked to mcdonalds.
Sean: I know it hurts your heart when I talk to other girls, but chill out. I know you have a heart of glass but I’m not trying to drop it.
That was said to me one day after I told him to shut up when he kept going on about how he slept with a customer.
…I keep all these treasures in piles of scrap paper. Here’s one from last month. I was making something, maybe wrapping for the cold cut case, and Sean came up behind me.
Sean: I love you. I’m not in love with you, but I love you as a friend. *pause* so keep up the good work.
Yesterday I was sitting outside on my lunch break and sean randomly came outside on a break and started annoying me. I ignored him as much as possible so he finally said this and walked away.
Sean: I wasn’t an only child, that’s why I act like this. We all had to fight for attention.