I’m pretty sure Sean sits at home sometimes, thinking of stupid things to say, in hopes of me writing it down.
Sean, to his friend/coworker:
“Yo when I be smashing chicks I feel like I’m getting married – I got someone old, someone new, and someone borrowed. You feel me?”
I always keep vanity plates in a note file on my phone. I’ve been having software issues tho, so as I’m about to change to my replacement phone, here’s a short update.
YONKERS
OMGLOVE
ROCK
HOTPEPPA
SWIMBIKE
PLANAHED
I get on the bus and sit next to this elderly woman. After about ten minutes on the bus, she moves so I thought she was getting up. I go to get out of her way but instead she says, “Miss, miss.”
So I took my headphones off and she says…..are you ready?
She says, “Miss, are you a nurse?”
Me – no.
Her – oh okay.
Let’s go over this.
1. I look nothing like a nurse, with my half pink hair and purple headphones, my black jeans and hoodie. I’m playing sudoku on my phone. What in that makes you randomly wonder if I’m a nurse?
2. Without any clues to me being a nurse, why would you randomly ask that? Did you hope I was a nurse, because you are sick? Did you have healthcare questions? Are you feeling a heart attack or something coming on? Do you randomly hate nurses? If I said yes would you have stabbed me with an AIDS infected needle?
3. After I said no, why would you just say ok? Now you have me wondering if you are ill and I should tell the bus driver to head to the hospital, or if you are contagious and I’m going to get sick.
Anyway. That’s my story for today.
Ah, yes. Another installment of stupid vanity plates.
PUTTYKAT
Vampyr13
Disco
Thnkgo
Nonacle
Ms hun e
Henryd8
5DOLLARS
Wifey2nv
Hmm yea
Bear all
Speclady
Newdairy
Pen 241
Subpena
Shiatzu
URONTILT
My back
Capmorue
An event
Dr alarm
Spektr
Thankbil
Mag1c1an
Eegggsss
Ridebike
Iskydive
Wts4dinr
Ikatu
Dcr mgr
Pir8 grl
Goonie
Cruzzzen
1buldawg
Imtheish
Madea217
V luvbug
Jrsbeast
R doodle
Lawmann1
Ok honey
Yea what
Push it
Msviv
Comodore
I m sue
HENPEN
LUCKYD
RESQCATS
BABEGRL6
K9SLUETH
I hate people who dress from head to toe in matching colors. The only case that is acceptable for is the color black. This chick matched herself head to toe in blue and white. You can even see her blue panties through those pants.
I’ve seen a lot of nasty things before, such as my bus driver clipping his fingernails as he’s driving, but this takes the cake.
I was slicing ham for this elderly customer, and as I glanced up from the slicer, I saw he had TAKEN HIS DENTURES OUT. He just had them in his hand, playing with them or something, and then popped them back in.
Bleh
Had to work at 7am on Sunday, so my friend/coworker and I were getting coffee at dunkin donuts to wake us up.
While we were ordering, and older man came in and stood on line behind us, rubbing his hands all over the large poster of a new coffee flavor. He was caressing it as if it were a woman he was about to fuck.
Then, when we ordered a donut that happened to have sprinkles on it, the guy says “I’ve always loved sprinkles, ever since I was a little girl.”
You can’t make this shit up.
I change my hair color frequently. It is currently blonde with pink tips and streaks.
Yesterday I was in Target minding my own business and an old woman walked by me and decided to open her cunt mouth.
“Are you going trick-or-treating?” She asked. Uh yea, clever, it’s September 20th.
“Nope.” I replied, and continued minding my own business.
“Then why did you do that?”
“CAUSE I LIKE IT.” Cunt.
This woman came to the deli, stood on line, kept walking away. Finally, she came back after the fourth time and ordered liverwurst.
The next day, she came early in the morning as I was still doing the salads. We now have to have “shaved ham” and “shaved turkey” which is just thinly sliced shit. Because I was still working on all of that, there was no signs for it yet.
My coworker gave her some of the shaved ham, and told her it was 3.99 a pound. She bought like .80 worth. She assumed the turkey was the same price so also asked for that. Coworker asked me the price and I said “4.99.” It would have been like .90 for what she was getting.
She heard the price and randomly says “NO! I don’t want it then!” And rushed away.
Um….ok? Ten cent difference and you’re that upset?
